How many fruits and vegetables do you eat a day?

I have ridiculously pale skin and also, bruise like a peach. In fact, whenever I get home from a trip, I look like I’ve been through a minor car accident from the bruises caused by sitting on airplane seatbelts, knocking my shins against heavy luggage, or whacking my legs against furniture when navigating my way into a hotel bathroom in the dark. And I can always tell when I’m not getting enough vitamins and minerals because just the minor bumps in my daily life start showing up on my flesh.

Right now, I’ve got three gigantic bruises on my body, scary, dark ones with varying shades of purple and blue. The one on my inner knee is undoubtedly from the first leg waxing appointment of the year, the one on my hip is probably from some sexy time over the weekend, and then the one on my arm is…well, I have no idea. I don’t even remember jabbing myself or anything. Clearly, it’s time to dedicate myself to some fresh fruits and veggies. I should probably read this book, huh?

Luckily, the weather is starting to turn, which means that organic vegetation will be readily available for pennies on the pound here in the flyover states. My bare minimum is five a day, which seems like a lot for someone who exists primarily via Starbucks and protein bars, but I am full of resolve! And soon, full of B-complex vitties! I take inspiration from this great stop-action animation from Jason Sanders, who has clearly demonstrated that he has a lot of patience. Chomp chomp chomp!

The comments want to know how many servings of fruits and veggies you get a day and what are your secrets for helping me busy eaters get their fill every day?